Fingerprints Done--One Step Closer

I know this is an odd picture to put with the title, but just hang in there and you will soon understand! Yesterday Dawn came over with Maria to surprise us with this delicious Swedish Tea Ring. I wish I had thought about getting a picture of her and Maria holding it. (hmmm...maybe I could persuade her to make me another one...!!) It was so cute to see Dawn with her Santa's hat on and a this beautiful Tea Ring in her hands. She told me she knew we were going to be getting up early in the morning and probably wouldn't have time to fix breakfast so she thought she would have our breakfast ready and waiting for us. This was just too kind. It was so pretty I hated to cut it but the aroma that lingered in my kitchen called me to cut into it. Dawn you are way to good to me!!! Thank you for your sweet spirit and generosity!!!!

So, this is the reason for the picture of Ellie with Dawns Swedish Tea Ring.

We didn't go to bed until 1:00 am knowing we were going to have to be out of the house by 4:15 am. We really aren't very bright but I guess we've got this far so we must not be too far gone!! I was so afraid of oversleeping that I couldn't get to sleep. I finally got to sleep and woke up 2:45 am and couldn't fall back to sleep. I decided to get up and started doing some laundry and woke Stephanie.

We made it out of the house just as planned 4:15 on the dot. Jonathan, Jason and Ellie spent the night at their Grandma's which made things a lot easier. We arrived at the Immigration office by 7am just as we were told to. They never even opened their doors until 8. We were told to get there early because we had missed last weeks appointment. At 7:30 cars started coming so I hurried and got out of the car and waited outside for the doors to open. There was no way I was going to let anyone get in before me. I figured if I was going to get up that early, travel that far and get there before everyone else I should be the first one in. As I sat on the bench in the cold all I kept thinking about was our little girl in China and how we are trying so hard to get to her. I know we are doing the best we can do and everything is out of my hands. God is in control and He will determine how quickly it will go. Every step closer we get makes it feel more real.

Stephanie and I had to have our fingerprints done twice. For some reason our prints were not showing up well. I really wasn't surprised, this happened when we were preparing for Ellie. The woman who worked with us was very kind and she took our prints with ink as well just as a precautionary. She knew we had come from far away and wanted to be sure to get it done right the first time. Scott just went in there and come right out!!! His prints took instantly. I am praying Steph and I will not have to retake them because that will just delay things again.

This Makes Me Smile!!

Jonathan is going for a new look. He has asked me if I could buy him more dress clothes. Could it be that I can get rid of all the the ripped jeans and dark T-shirts? Jonathan you look so handsome....you make your Mama proud! You look good in anything but you just look so classy with your new look!!

Fingerprint Date Change

We were supposed to get our fingerprints today but we had to cancel. Sadly, a very close business associate of Scott's suddenly passed away. The funeral is today and Scott was listed as honorary pall bearer. We will get our fingerprints taken next Wednesday December 17th.

Date Set For Fingerprints, We Are Moving Along!!!

On November 22, 2008 we received notice from USCIS that they have received our application and are processing it. On November 27, 2008 we received our fingerprinting date, (3 weeks and 5 days from when I mailed it to Chicago). On December 10, 2008 at 10am Scott, Stephanie and I will have our fingerprints taken. WOO HOO!!! Another step in the long process! I was hoping to have our dossier completed by the new year. I have no idea how long it will take after our fingerprints are done, but I can always pray for a quick arrival of the I171H form. It's in God's hands and I have faith that He will work it all out in His time,

Rainy Day?....No Worries!

This is how we spend our rainy days!!! Nothing like puddle jumping. We have a book called PUDDLES. It has a line in it that says: Puddles...pieces of sky on the ground. So me and Ellie went out to jump in our special pieces of sky on the ground. What a great way to celebrate a rainy day!

Me And My 20 Year Old Baby

This was a very interesting day! My little boy is now 20 years old!!!! Where has the time gone? I hate that he isn't home anymore on his birthday. I always tried to make birthdays special from the time the kids got up to the time they went to bed. Now that he is on his own, he acts like it's just another day! We went to Olive Garden and had a wonderful meal. He was a little distracted because he had a test in school that he needed to be studying for. We didn't get to visit with him in a relaxed state of mind. Hopefully in spite of all that was on his mind, he had a very happy birthday!

Choir Concert

Jason and Stephanie did a great job at the concert. I was so proud of both of them. Stephanie had a small solo part, she did so good! I know you two read my blog and I want you both to know you need to keep on singing, you have been blessed with beautiful voices: Psalm 66: Make a joyful noise to God, all the earth; sing the glory of his name; give to him glorious praise. . . Great job kids!

The Rock Star Of The Family

Jonathan entertained the trick or treaters and their parents on Halloween. He had numerous requests to play Metallica, and it was convenient for him because he had learned his first Metallica song (a song called One) just the day before.

The Pirate, The Princess And ....The Punk?

Lame title I know! Being that the first 2 were already there for me I had to go with it! Stephanie had a choir fundraiser for Halloween. I am so proud of her. I wish every little kid I know had a chance to go. The high school kids were so kind to the little ones and made sure everybody got a prize. Steph you are going to be something big. Your dreams and ambitions are so amazing. It goes to show just how much goodness you have in you. If you keep following those dreams I know God will bless you. You amaze me bunny!!! Show the world who you are!!!!

Yes...This IS My Son!

Jason you always make me smile! I am so glad you are you!!!! Keep making me laugh!!!

Another Princess Sighting...Endorsing McCain/Palin?

That's my girl. Beautiful......and brains too!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!

Happy Birthday Mom!!! I miss you so much. I wish I could be there with you celebrating. Look how good you and Daddy look! Enjoy that strawberry daquiri and don't forget to make a wish when you blow out your candles! Have a great day.....You deserve it!!! I LOVE YOU!

An Officer and a Princess

Ellie and Ashton. Precious doesn't even come close to describing this picture. Ellie is that a RING on your finger????? Remember what Daddy says? No dating until you're 45!!!!

Who Says Princesses Don't Exist?

It's Out Of My Hands....

We sent the forms with homestudy and information today. It was in the mail before noon so I'm hoping it makes it's way to Chicago by Monday!!!!!

4 Months and 3 Weeks Later.....

What a sight for sore eyes!!! This is our friendly FedEx guy delivering our homestudy. I would have hugged him and given him a great big kiss but he was already thinking I was a little nuts when I asked him if I could take his picture!! So I shared our story of how long and awaited this package was. He was very understanding and happy to be a part of our story!

Now I can say we finally have A COMPLETED HOMESTUDY in our hands. After so many issues of trying to complete an update we are ready to mail it to USCIS. I have to say I wasn't sure we would get to this point. I filled out the forms, double checked it all, wrote a check and will mail it tomorrow. From there we will wait to receive an appointment for our fingerprints and then wait on our I171h form. In the meantime I will begin collecting all information for our Dossier. Yippeeee.....more paperwork!!! I don't mind, anything to bring us closer to our little sweetie. After today, things are seeming a little more real. I believe things are really turning around.

Did you ever feel like you have had some kind of spiritual message being delivered to you? Just lately I have read or heard the words "new song" over and over. Of course me being me, it took me several times before I understood the correlation. As I put it all together, I believe that God is telling me that HE has a new song for me. It's time to stop the complaining and grumbling and move on. Receiving this homestudy today has made be feel like this is the first verse in the new song God is placing in my heart.

I am ready for healing in my mouth and some healing in several other hurtful issues....so tonight I will praise my God with this wonderful psalm...

Psalm 100

Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth. Worship the LORD with gladness; come before him with joyful songs. Know that the LORD is God. It is he who made us, and we are his ; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture. Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name. For the LORD is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations.

Can This Actually Be True?

Just received an e-mail....our homestudy will be in my hands by Thursday afternoon. Scott and I will review it, sign it and send it off to immigration. We will await a fingerprinting appointment and approval to adopt overseas.

There has been so many bumps in the road. I have been very discouraged and have questioned if we were really doing the right thing. Through lots of prayer I have definitely received confirmation that we are doing exactly what we are supposed to.

Sheryl, I know you read my blog and I want you to to know,I recognize you are always there for me. You have so much going on in your own life and you still find time to be strong for both of us!!!! In fact I know I am not the only one you have helped carry the load! I thank God for you daily. Everyone should be as blessed as I am to have a friend like you. Your strength amazes me everyday. If I ever grow up I want to be just like you!!!! I am honored that you count me among your friends. I love you girl!!!! It was so good to see you, Kevin and the kids!

Surprise Visit

Sunday I received a surprise visit from Matthew. What a great surprise. Scott has been gone on a business trip, the boys were hanging out with friends, Steph was busy in her room so it was just me and Ellie sitting on the couch watching TV. I heard the garage door but figured it was one of the boys coming in to get a drink. Suddenly I felt something softly scratch my face. I looked up... lo and behold there stood my firstborn!!!! He finally came to see his Mama! Ellie was so happy to see him she ran to him, screamed his name and jumped into his arms!!!! He had his standard candy surprise for Ellie. Kylie had sent a Dwight Shrute stress ball for Matthew to give to Ellie. Of course both items were a big hit!

He has been so busy with his new life and new home, not to mention car problems. I was so happy to see him at our house. When I am in town I usually have lunch with him or go shopping or something but this time was special because he was HOME with me!!!!! We sat on the back deck talked about life, politics and religion!!! I miss those deep seeded conversations with him. Stephanie came out of her room and they had a good visit. The boys came home and they all had a good visit too. It was a great day! Matthew you'll never know how much you are loved and missed!!! I don't care how old he is or how big he is...he will always be my baby!

A Day At The Pumpkin Patch

What a fun day! The weather was perfect, the company was good and we had the choice of the best pumpkins ever!

An Unexpected Play Date!

Yesterday Dawn stopped by with Maria, Lance and Tucker. She lives around the corner and decided to take a walk. Maria can't walk by our house without having to come and say "Hi" to Ellie! It is the same with Ellie when we go for a walk. Their friendship is growing everyday. Especially now that the weather is so nice
It's a bonus that Dawn and I are enjoying our friendship grow with the girls! I never realized how much I was missing out having a stay at home mom friend so close. I love the surprise visits it really breaks up my day and the adult interaction is the cherry on the cake. When Dawn was ready to go Maria wasn't. I asked Dawn if it would be ok if Maria stayed a little longer. The girls played so well together. They went to Ellie's room to play, then to the play area in the basement. They never even asked me for one thing. I finally had to ask them if I COULD fix them something to eat. Macaroni and Cheese was the selection. Here they are enjoying a bowl. The special thing about Maria is that she is adopted from Korea and has 3 big brothers too! The girls share a lot of the same experiences and it will be fun to watch them through the years!!

To Be This Cute!!

What would it be like to be this adorable?

Sisterly Love!

I'm so glad they love each other so much! Steph will be leaving for college next fall. I need to take advantage of the time we have to capture more of these precious shots!

Homestudy Interviews Finally Completed

It is so hard to believe we started our adoption process June 9th and we are still not done with our homestudy. After we were done with our interview in the beginning of September we were told things had changed and we needed to have a total of 4 interviews. AAAARRRRGGGHHH!!!

I feel like every time I get something accomplished the rules change! I know in the end none of this is going to matter. It's kind of like delivering a baby.... once you see that precious face, hold the baby close and smell the top of their head.....nothing else matters!!!!!

Our 2nd interview was September 25, 2008 at Apple Bee's. Ellie was with me and we had a nice time with our area SW. She is very sweet and has done everything to make the process go smoothly. Our 3rd interview was October 1, 2008 at our home. Our final visit was October 6, 2008 at the school where Pamela's children attend. As far as the homestudy is concerned Scott and I have done all we can do to this point. We are waiting for Pamela to organize the information in our homestudy and complete her side of it. She will then send it to the main office and they will go over it. They will send it to me, I will fill out the I800a form then send it to UCIS in Chicago. After it leaves my hands we will wait to receive immigration approval and I will begin working on gathering information on our Dossier. YEAHHHH more paperwork!!!!!

Their was a lot more paperwork that I needed to fill out concerning what special need we were willing to accept. This is definitely a very hard process. I hate having to pick and choose because I know their are so many who need a home. I just have to rest in the fact that God already has our child picked out. She is already our daughter and it doesn't matter what boxes on the forms I check. I will get the child He has already hand picked for our family.

I am still dealing with my mouth being numb from my surgery in August. Tuesday and Wednesday were really bad days. It hurt so bad. I had couple of weeks where it hurt, but it was tolerable. I guess maybe while I was feeling a little better I ate too much solid foods and talked too much. Today I am going back on my liquid diet and I will talk much less. I think I will call the girl in my church who had the same thing happen to her and see if she had times of relapses.

Yesterday Stephanie went to have her senior pictures taken. It was an awesome day!!!! The girl who took her pictures was like a clone of Steph! They had so many things in common. I loved her style and after looking at her books of photos I loved what intrigued her. She has a passion for Christ and it shows by her work! She also has a passion for the Asian culture. She has been on many trips overseas shooting photos for various people. She took Steph to different locations while Ellie and I went to Fazzolis! Ellie would not be good after we arrived at the studio so I bribed her with one of her favorite Italian eateries!!! I knew those endless bread sticks would make her smile! After we got back from eating she was like a totally different person. Why does food have to be so important in a woman's life?? It starts so early!!!!!

I will post the pictures of Stephanie when I get them!

My Nightmare Turned Into Blessings

One month ago tomorrow, on August 25, 2008, I had oral surgery in the back right side of my mouth. I was a little nervous, but who isn't before surgery? As I sat in the waiting room I took out a card I always keep with me to give me comfort when I'm nervous or scared.

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

I still felt a little nervous but I knew in my heart everything was going to be ok.

The surgery was a success without any problems.....so I thought! I was numb for quite awhile and to be honest that made me happy. I didn't have to worry about feeling the pain from surgery. I kept waiting for the numbness to wear off but it never did. When I went to bed that night I was a little concerned because my tongue was numb on the right side from the tip of my tongue all the way down my throat.

I received a call from my surgeon, he asked how I was doing. I told him about the numbness, but he was not the least bit concerned. He said it may take a few days but the feeling will come back. I waited a few days but continued to get worse. Not only did I feel numb, I now had the feeling as if my tongue was burnt from scalding water. Progressively it got worse to varying degrees of a burning feeling to a freezing feeling. At times the right side of my face would have a Bells Palsy feeling. Talking would only exacerbate the pain and caused me much frustration.

I called the surgeon again, I was assured by his nurse that this is normal. It is not common but it does happen in some patients and it could go on for 3 months! Yikes!!! I was really struggling with that idea.

Outside of the pain I was getting weak because I couldn't eat and drinking just magnified the problem. Another problem is I need a root canal on the other side of my mouth, so when I do try to eat on that side I am in pain from that tooth! It would be great to just go and get the root canal done so I can at least chew on that side, but after all that I have read online about oral injections and my own experiences I am terrified to say the least!

I did quite a bit of surfing forums to see if I could glean any insight as to what to expect. I could not believe how many people were affected by this. It horrified to me to read that some people have had this condition for years. I learned that somehow either by the injection or the trauma of surgery my lingual nerve was injured. Misery loves company and as I read the posts I began to feel some sense of relief knowing I was not the only one in the world this happened to. As time went on, I realized that reading the posts began to instill more fear. I wasn't getting worse but I certainly was not getting any better. I just kept feeling like I was getting weaker and weaker.

I had a few things before the surgery that were pressing on my mind. These things were beginning to cause me more grief because I was feeling so bad. I felt I had been walked on, hurt and disrespected. It seemed there was no way out of my harsh feelings I had toward these problems. As my pain worsened my heart hardened. As my heart hardened my walk with God was being tested. I also felt like God forgot about me. Everyday I kept thinking about reading the Jeremiah card and how I felt that God allowed harm to happen to me!

I prayed a lot more and searched for the answers as to why am I going through this excruciating pain. I grew up thinking that if I did something bad, God was going to let bad things happen. Irrational I know, but that is how I thought. As I got older I realized that wasn't true. I do however believe if we are a child of His, He will do what He has to do to get our attention. Needless to say He had my full attention!

I cried everyday those first 3 and a half weeks because my mouth hurt so bad. I was angry, sad, frustrated and felt abandoned. My comforting scripture no longer gave me comfort. My faith was truly being tested. All the things that I was so hurt over before the surgery began to haunt me. It seemed as if they grew more hurtful every day.

Last Friday I came completely unglued. The pain was wearing me out and depression was beginning to set in. I knew I had to get a hold of this and get a plan. I also knew this was something I could not do by myself. I did what I knew I had to do. First I opened my bible and found the Jeremiah scripture and read the verses behind it and was amazed with what I read:

Jeremiah 29:13-14
Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me, and find me when you search for Me with all your heart. I will be found by you says the Lord and I will bring you back from your captivity.

Then I found a person of great faith whom I trust completely and unloaded everything that was bothering me. I received council that I wasn't sure I could be able to do but I was sure going to give it a shot. The highlights of what I took from our talk is: God loves even the people who hurt us. He does not like it when they hurt us but he also doesn't like it when we constantly dwell on those hurts. Forgiveness is a gift I give myself and forgiveness is releasing. Even if I was having a hard time forgiving I needed to tell God I was releasing those thoughts and hurts to Him so that forgiveness could come.

This past summer I had read a verse of scripture that just seemed to get stuck in my head and I couldn't get it out of my mind. Sadly the verse just stayed in my mind but never made it to my heart.

Psalm 19:14
May the the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.

It wasn't until Sunday at church when the Pastor said something that tied everything together. The message was "Jonah The Man Who Ran."

This is what I learned: Jonah didn't want anything to do with the people because he had prejudices against them. He simply did not like them because of what he knew about them. They were people who did bad things but God still loved them. Jonah had a job to do but he let his prejudices get in the way, he ran from God instead of doing the right thing. God got his attention and just like with Jonah he will do whatever it takes to get our attention. He will use his Word (scripture), other people, circumstances and yes sometimes even pain to get our attention.

As I wrapped everything together in my mind I realized the verse from Psalms was a warning. That was warning #1. I have to admit the meditation of my heart was definitely not pleasing to God. The hurts caused by others calloused my heart and I let it happen. That is why that scripture was would not leave my mind. I had confided in two of my most favorite people on this earth about what was bothering me and they both gave me the same advise, give it to God and let it go, warning #2. In a sick way I didn't want to, I guess I felt like as long as I was hanging on to it somehow it would hurt them back. We all know that is not true but I wouldn't let it go. I would hear things through sermons on the radio that had messages pertaining to the exact thing that hurt me but again I wouldn't let it go, warning #3. I guess God had to get his megaphone out and let me know through the nightmare from my surgery. I will never know this side of heaven whether or not I am on track or not, but everything sure lined out that way.

The blessings that came out of this nightmare are:
#1 My walk with God is being restored.
#2 I am learning very slowly to release the things that have been bothering me for so long.
#3 I have lost almost 10 lbs.
#4 My diet is a much healthier one.
#5 All of my stomach issues have been resolved.
#6 I believe I can have more compassion with those who suffer with chronic pain.
#7 The most important one! I have not been abandoned by God, nor have I been harmed by Him, but quite the opposite. I now know He has been trying to get my attention for a long time! He doesn't want the seeds of bitterness to grow in my heart. He wants only the best for me. He wants me to prosper in His way not by ways which I consider prospering.

I still have the numbness in my mouth along with the feeling of acid being poured on the right side of my tongue. Yesterday was a good day, I could tell there was a very very slight change in the feeling in the right direction. Talking still causes me a lot of pain and I am still on a liquid diet. I did however get the courage to call the dentist to perform the root canal on the left side of my mouth. As I seek God with all my heart I know I will be protected and healed. This time I will not just read words off of a card I will truly pray with all my heart! I had the chance to talk to 2 people who experienced the same thing. One of them took 6 months before the numbness and pain subsided. It is one year since her surgery and occasionally has pain in her jaw. The other girl I talked to said that her tongue is still numb in the back but the pain is gone completely. She only feels the numbness in the back of her tongue when she thinks about it.

I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. My blessings far out weigh my nightmare.

Homestudy Interview

HOORAY! We are one step closer to our little girl! It's one more thing to check off on our long list before we are united with her. Friday 9/12/08 we had our homestudy interview! Our social worker in our area is so sweet and kind. I really enjoyed our visit and was able to express some concerns with the process up to this point. She graciously listened and was very compassionate with her responses. It was just what I needed to feel confident that I am with the right agency. My dear sweet friends and sister have been praying for me to find peace in this process, I can see God is moving me in the right direction. Thanks girlfiriends for listening when I really needed you and being such a great source of comfort in my trial!!! I am blessed. This is what I think of when I think of you:

Proverbs 17:17 says:

A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.

I thought this explanation to this verse was neat:
“A true friend loves at all times; but it is in adversity especially that he becomes a brother born to you, or a brother by blood just born for the emergency,” [Faussett]. Someone has wisely said that “A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you.” Adversity is the test which proves who are real friends:

You girls lived that out loud. Even in my adversity my sisters loved me through it!!! I can't thank you enough for listening!

My Harley Man----Scott

This is Scott before he left on The Iron Butt Challenge! The goal is to ride from one coast to the other in 50 consecutive hours. Sadly this challenge was not met It doesn't mean he didn't give it all he had. Everything was great until he met Dolly(the hurricane!) who put a stop to his mission. The upbeat side was Scott was going to give it a second chance. Unfortunately after having gone through an earthquake and having his saddle bags stolen, with all his tools in it, he had to stop the challenge once again. Halfway though the challenge his bike began to give him problems. His transmission was about to go out. On the upside he made it to a Harley dealership and protected his beloved bike. He was somewhat bumbed out but he has so many memories of the beauty he was able to see as he drove through our beautiful country from the east coast to the west coast and then again back to the east coast. Not many people are afforded that luxury. Ride on my sweet husband and may God grant you many more sunrises and sunsets on an empty black road!

My Self-Taught Guitar Player....Jonathan

This is how I see Jonathan everyday. I wish I had a picture of him straight on so you can see his handsome face. Sometimes when you think of your kids a certain image comes to your mind. This is exactly what I see in my mind when I talk about him or when someone asks about him. I am so proud of his success in teaching himself how to play. His ability to play the guitar amazes me. Strum on Jonathan I will listen to you anytime!!!! You're awesome!

Jason and Aunt Rosie

We were at cousin Tommy's wedding in CT. What a beautiful wedding. The landscape and reception hall was breathtaking. While we were all out on the deck taking in the beauty I found something else of beauty....this fun shot of my baby boy and my baby sister.... They are both the clowns of the family so this was a perfect combination. As I look at this picture I realize how blessed I am....I love my family! I hope they never loose their silliness!

First Day Of Preschool

September 3rd: Ellie and her teacher Miss Carol

Isn't He Adorable?

Matthew was getting ready to go to a wedding. Ellie followed him around and said " Hey Matthew, come here....you look the same!"

So Matthew said "Hey Ellie do you still think I look the same? My baby boy is so cute! Look how sweet Matthew and Kylie are together!

My Princesses!

I love this picture of Stephanie and Ellie. It just makes me feel so happy Everything physically about them is completely opposite and yet their beauty is equal! It was so cute that they were both wearing the exact same color green shirts. We did not plan that. I didn't even know I had this picture until Jonathan printed it out for a school project about his family. When I saw it I knew I had to post it!

This Is Where We Are Now- The Modern Day Beverly Hillbillies

This is our family today. Can you tell how happy everyone is to take this picture. This is what we sent in for our homestudy!

Ok, I feel like I have set everything up so I can begin posting in the present. This is really exciting because I have wanted to do this for so long but the thought of not starting from the beginning really bothered me. I know how I am --- a typical woman who loves to talk, especially of things from the heart. The one thing that I thought I would never be able to do is to write all the things I wanted to say, but I was a good girl and gave the readers digest version of a portion of my life!

We began the 2nd adoption process in June 2008. This adoption so far is pretty much like our first one. I was ready to begin but Scott just didn't seem to think adding another one would be good at this time. One of his main concerns was for Ellie to loose her status. Her beginnings in life were just so hard and she is now in a position in life where she is the center of attention (as she should be!) I really understood where he was coming from and I tried to explain the capacity of love and time I have. He just needed more time to think things through and that was ok with me. I knew I had connections with my Almighty Creator and I knew without a shadow of doubt that this was the right thing to do.

Just like our first adoption Steven Curtis Chapman's family seemed to play a role in our next adoption. Unfortunately it wasn't something good that happened in fact it was quite the opposite. Sadly their youngest daughter from China had died in an accident. We are such big fans of the Chapman family because of their faith, love of God, walk with God and commitment to family. They are just a wonderful family from what we have seen. Their tragedy really hit us hard. In fact I believe it touched the hearts of everyone who had known about it.

Scott had been telling me no for several months. One night while we were on the back porch after the kids had gone to bed, enjoying the beautiful summer night, our conversations moved from one subject to another. We began talking about the Chapman family and how bad we felt for them. Scott opened himself up and said everything that had happened with their family had made him think more about what I had been asking him. He told me he felt for some time, and through various forms of confirmation, we should go through with another adoption, however, their were some things that he was a little concerned about. We talked about his concerns and realized they were things that we could work through. We talked about how the Bible says God has our days numbered, our lives have a start and end date. We just don't know when it is. As we talked, we accepted in our hearts that the Chapman's daughter already had her days numbered but no one knew the end date. God with his love, infinite wisdom and sovereignty blessed her and her family with each other. He took her out of where she was and gave her to the most perfect parents for her on this earth to love her and take care of her until He was ready to bring her home. We never know when our last day will be, or any of our loved ones last day will be. I just want to make sure I am living and doing things to honor God until my last day. I want to make sure that I am an open vessel for Him to do His work through.

That night we both decided to move forward and begin the process again!

Proverbs 16:3
Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed. God is Good!!!

We have competed all our paperwork for our homestudy and we are just waiting to hear when we will have our interviews and start the Dossier.

Why We Need To Go Back!

After becoming Ellie's mother something inside me changed for good. When we received Ellie she was a little shell. She was underweight and undernourished. The doctor in our group had told Scott and me that if Ellie was her patient in America, she would have considered her a failure to thrive baby. She could not sit, crawl, stand, or reach for anything to grasp. Ellie did not eat or take a bottle for several days. It was very obvious she was going through a lot in her mind. I think a defining moment throughout the whole trip was when I expressed my concerns to our group Dr. and the wonderful Godly woman she is, looked me in the eye and said "Kim would you like for me to pray for her?" With tears in my eyes I said softly with a deep sigh of relief "yes....Please?!!!!" Somehow when you are in the midst of deep turmoil the one thing you know how to do you forget to do!!! We were standing in the beautiful hallway of the JW Marriott on the bottom of a grand elegant staircase. Liz began to to pray with me. Suddenly you could hear people walking and getting closer. Before I had known it, our whole adoption group had gathered together on that staircase and we all prayed for Ellie. I remember seeing Steve place his hand upon Ellie praying along with Liz! It was one of the most touching moments of my life. I get chills just thinking about it. The prayers worked that afternoon as we headed for the Chongqing Panda Zoo. Ellie had taken her very first bottle!!! She didn't guzzle it down as I had suspected she would do, but she did little tiny sip by sip drink half her bottle. It had appeared that Xiu Cui had tried to give up on life while in the orphanage, but all the prayers we had been praying for her specifically even before she was born were being honored. My little Eliana decided to keep on plugging along....she was now with her forever family and I believe in my heart she had realized this time it was different. Her life was changing and all the love was slowly being felt and understood.

While we were still in China we were driving on the bus and our facilitator told us that what we had all done by adopting these babies was very commendable and wonderful but she did not want us to leave and forget that their are many other children. Some who are not babies, some with special needs and some who are just older who will never be adopted for one reason or another. As I was sitting on that bus listening to her speak I remember stroking Ellie's hair and looking into her little eyes thinking "baby we are coming back to get one of those little ones she is talking about!"

When you adopt you can never be the same. When you look neglect and malnourishment in the face you can never forget it. It changes the very fiber of your being. This is why I NEED to go back. This is why I NEED to get my little brown eyed girl.

Eliana Grace is now a happy healthy active vibrant wonderful 4year old. Her siblings are almost 20, 18 and twin 14 year old brothers! I am so proud of everyone of my children and they fill my heart with joy, even when they are driving me crazy!!!!! As complete as our family sounds like is should be---it isn't. I knew in May of 2005 I was going to go back to China and I have been praying about it ever since. I know she is already born and alive because we requested to adopt a little girl about a year or so younger than Ellie.

I am honored that God would bless me again, for the 6th time. I know this is why I am on this earth. This is my calling. His Word confirms it:

James 1:27
Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

The First Time I Saw Her Face to Face.....Meeting Xiu Cui

The moment I had waited for had finally arrived. I was going to tangibly receive my little miracle baby. My body had adjusted to being in China and I was ready. Even with the scare I had to overcome in the hotel the first night in Beijing ....I was READY!

We stayed in the JW Marriot in Chongqing. It was a 5 star hotel, one of the most beautiful hotels I have stayed in. It was modern and elegant. The bathroom was all marble and the beds had the whitest white pristine comforters on them, with gold neck pillows the size of the width of the bed. To me it was fit for the little princess we were bringing back with us. At the front door of the hotel the most beautiful Chinese women dressed in authentic Chinese women attire served as greeters. The little time I had been in China I was amazed with the respect and utmost care to customer service.

It was now time to leave to pick up our little angel. Our bus of families was full of excitement and nervousness. Video camera were going as we all interviewed each other asking the same thing....."What is going through your mind right now?"

As we arrived I was la little surprised by the building. (which the name escapes my memory right now!) We walked into a small store and made our way to the back of the store. In the back were 2 very small elevators. We had to make our way upstairs in groups because the elevators were so small. Of course Scott, Stephanie and I were in the second group, which heightened the anticipation

By the time we made it to the room where the babies were all you could hear were oohs and aaahhs. Everyone was trying to figure out which child was theirs. I weaved my way through the crowd and stood next to another soon to be mom and she said "Kim I think I see your baby!" At that exact moment my eyes were fixed on her as well. I couldn't believe I was actually seeing her in person. She was being held by a woman who could not be any taller than 4' 8! Xiu Cui was the tiniest 11 month old baby I had ever laid my eyes on. Her head was so little and full of dark brown hair. Her little fingers were crossed on one hand and her other hand was reaching behind her neck scratching. She continually changed the fingers she was crossing. It was so adorable when she did that. Those sweet eyes that I looked deep into showed that there was such depth to her. I told my husband that she made me feel like she was an old soul! It is hard to explain what I mean by that. The best way to explain is to say that their seemed to be so much life in her, bottled up in her tiny frame. She seemed like she was full of wisdom and stories to share to cause you to become a better person. I couldn't wait to start my life with Xiu Cui

At last our names were called and I was going to touch my sweet bundle of miracle! She was so beautiful. She was dressed in a yellow outfit that was probably big enough to fit a 3 year old American child! When I held on to her she was like skin and bones. There was not one ounce of baby fat on her. I had dreamed of this moment for so long and now it was actually happening. This was without a doubt a moment of a lifetime! We were so proud of our new addition to our family. We completed all the paperwork and walked out of the building a family that was finally complete....at least that is what I had thought.

We made it back on the bus with 15 new passengers and 30 proud parents!!! We did it!!!! We had our babies and now it was time to go SHOPPING!!!! After all isn't that what every new mom does right after having a child!!!

There we were a group of parents with new babies hanging from our Baby Bjorn's walking the streets of Chongqing. Chongqing was an amazing city. It was like New York triple the size with huge building on hills. We were definitely stood out in the crowd of people. Many people stopped to see the "lucky babies." Every time someone would say that to me I said "No lucky mama!"

I was proud of our little Xiu Cui. I was so glad to have in my arms. She was the perfect child for our family! I loved her before I met her and now I was able to give her what I had been storing up over the last few years. Xiu Cui...now Eliana Grace had finally become my daughter!

Our First Two Days In China

What an adventure! I will only hit the highlights being that Eliana has a CD full of her story on it, with all the details.

When we arrived in China the main thing I could think about was "Oh my gosh... I can't believe I am really here! Pinch me this must be a dream!!" When our whole group met up together it was so surreal. I was fighting sleep deprivation along with sudden surges of adrenaline rushes. I just wanted one of them to win to stop the battle going on in my body.

When we finally arrived at the hotel it seemed as though it took forever for our facilitator Joy to get all the rooms worked out. We were all so tired it was beginning to show on our faces and body language.

At 3:15 am China time I was awakened suddenly by the shrill sounds of a baby crying and crying and crying. Apparently a desperate parent was pacing the hallway with their new child. As I laid in my bed in the pitch black I listened to a sound that shocked me into reality. After giving birth to twin boys who had colic for the first 5 months of their lives, you think I would have that sound etched in my memory. Time seemed to have erased it until.......May 5, 2005!!!

I literally began to shake under the covers thinking "What have I got myself into?" It was so dark in the room I couldn't even see my husband to find some kind of comfort. I was paralyzed with fear, I couldn't even turn on the light. I just wanted that sound to go away. The crying finally stopped and my fears were a little more controlled. Without even knowing it I drifted back to sleep.

The next day bright and early we went to Tianemen Square, Forbidden City and Summer Palace. It was full of people every where. Stephanie was like a celebrity. Everywhere we went people were asking her if they could take their picture with her. The young Chinese girls couldn't stop looking at her and touching her. This was such a great boost for her little ego!!

The strangest thing that has stayed in my mind was the way my feet felt. It was like they were water balloons sloshing every time I moved them. If the truth be known, they actually looked like water balloons too! I was told that I should drink lots of water while on the plane, so guess what I did? I drank just about every time it was offered to me and it literally went straight to my feet. One of the other ladies had the same problem We must have read the same information about traveling abroad!!

We were so tired after our first day. We all had jet lag and were still on US time but that didn't stop us from being offered to tour Beijing. Our next adventure was to see the Acrobats of China. The only thing I remember about that night was how many times I had nodded off to sleep. I was so mad at myself because I really wanted to take in all this Chinese culture. My mind was willing but my body was weak!!!!!

The next day was the Great wall of China. To me the Great wall is one of the most amazing man made creations I have ever seen or stood upon. Again, Stephanie became the famous celebrity among all the Chinese people. I loved how this made her feel. I loved watching how her face would just beam when someone wanted to have their picture taken with her. I loved how her love grew for the Chinese people. She was forming her first impressions of the Chinese culture and it trilled me to see it start so positively. In effect they were embracing her and making her feel worthy, and important and most of all beautiful. Every almost 15 year old girl needs that!!

Another great adventure was the Rickshaw rides. These men would pull a cart with 2 people in it all around the town. The town is full of hills and narrow alleys. The most amazing thing about these men was, they all smoked!!!! I had no idea where the oxygen to get up the steep hills with all that weight behind them came from!!! Rickshaw drivers YOU ROCK!!!!

I could never forget Mr Cricket. He and his wife allowed our group to tour his home and ask any questions we had about how the Chinese people live. It was very interesting to learn that crickets were taught how to fight other crickets. If I didn't see it I wouldn't believe it either. Just one of those things you have to see to believe. He was an extremely kind man. His son was a famous chef who prepared an array of hor's deurves for us to enjoy. I truly enjoyed seeing and learning about the life of a family living in the city. It made me very grateful for my freedom that I take for granted most of the time.

We also went to the cloisonne factory where we saw some of the most beautiful works of art that were displayed in many forms-- plates, vases, chopsticks, bowls etc..... So many things to choose from and they always want to make you a great deal. I loved how the workers would explain what each item meant. It was as if each piece of art had a story behind it. The factory tour showed how much time and commitment to detail went into each piece of art.

The silk alley really freaked me out. All the vendors wanted you to come into their booth. They would do anything to lure you in. I hated it because I didn't want to just walk away and be rude. I was tired and confused and really just didn't want to deal with it, so we pretty much rushed through it! Next time I will be prepared!!!

One last thing I remember was how delicious the breakfast at the hotel was. They had everything you possibly think of! We had an awesome time in Beijing. The most important part was still ahead of us. After 2 days in Beijing we were heading to Chongqing to meet our daughter!!

On Our Way To China The First Time!

On April 25, 2005 we received our itinerary for our trip to China. We were traveling from May 4th to May 14, 2005. In the packet we also received a list of the other families that would be traveling with us. We were traveling with 14 other families. I couldn't believe I was going to share this momentous occasion with so many other people. We were all going to learn together how to become parents of adopted children. There was only one family who had gone through the process of adoption before. More than half the group had biological children at home already. I prayed over our group daily. I so desperately wanted God to bond us together and allow us all to have a desire to continue the bond even after we came home from China. One of the woman in the group started a forum for us and we kept it hot!! I could tell God had blessed this group already. We shared packing lists and ideas of what to bring and not bring. It was so exciting when I would get home and check to see who posted and what they had to say.

On May 4th after much packing and anxiety about leaving my sons for 10 days we headed off for the airport. Matthew our oldest son rode with us so he could take the car home. First we headed to the boys school to drop them off. Saying goodbye to my twin 10 year old sons was so hard. I tried not to cry leaving them but, of course I cried. I wanted everyone to come with us, but I knew that trip would have been too hard for them. We made it to the airport and said our goodbyes to Matthew. That was really hard too because I knew he had to drive an hour back home and he had not had his license for very long. I wasn't even going to be at a point to call him to make sure he made it safely home. I still wonder if he really went to school that day or not!!!! I know if I were him what I would have done!!!!!!

There we were Scott, Stephanie and myself in the airport knowing we were getting ready to see, touch, feel, smell and listen to the sounds of our new addition for the very first time. It was an amazing process so far and we knew we had not even touched the best part.

As we made it to our first stop we met a family who was in our group. We also met up with our social worker who was going to be a part of our traveling group. It was a very exciting time and the anticipation continued to grow with each passing minute.

The main thing that stands out in my mind with the flight from the US to Tokyo was that Scott and Cindy our social worker barely got out of their seats!!! I was up and down the whole trip. I could not sit still. I loved the map showing us where we were. There were movies periodically and I feel like we were offered food non stop. I just hope our next trip to China will be that accommodating.

What I learned through this was that God was behind me every step of the way and as rough as the road traveled was in the beginning he really was there orchestrating the whole event.
It reminds me of this verse:

Psalm 16:9 The mind of man plans his way, but the LORD directs his steps

I knew that every step I took was truly directed by God himself!

And So The First Paper Chase Begins

After the shock and excitement became containable, and I was not on sensory overload, we narrowed down the agencies we would use down to two. Through many prayers I felt very confident using Bethany Christian Services. We were actually beginning.

On December 15, 2003 our social worker mailed us our preliminary application. From there we went to a formal application and finally received an International Adoption Assessment Packet, which is part of what they use to form a home study. Scott and I had a total of 4 interviews and each of our children were interviewed once. Through all of this scurrying about I could not believe we were actually doing this!!! I knew it was the right thing to do but at one time it had seemed like it was completely unattainable.

Our home study and dossier (a host of legal documents) was complete and made it to China! Our LID (log in date) to CCAA (China Center of Adoption Affairs) was September 2, 2004. It was awesome that it was that date. I knew I could never forget it because it was my oldest daughters 13th birthday and 3 years before I had first learned of abandoned children in China! We were overjoyed to be in the system. China had our file and we were now in the long waiting process. Some called it the "slow boat to China" which came from the movie "Big Bird in China." I spent my time praying so many things for our child in China. I prayed for bonding and acceptance between our children at home and our new little one in China. We all prayed for her health, safety and protection. The wait was long but I knew God had brought me this far on faith He was going to get me further with deeper faith!

Finally on March 18, 2005 after reading all the posts on the forums I saw that people with the same LID as we had were getting their referrals. I waited with anticipation for the phone to ring. I kept watching the forums and reading all the posts of those who had received "The Call."
The boards were hot and posts kept coming in one after another. Still no call!!! Suddenly a post appeared that caused my heart to sink. It stated that the LID group for September was very large and CCAA only sent half the September group in March and would send the other half in April. I contacted my social worker after hearing the news to see if maybe I was the last on the list to be called. She had told me they have not received any word from the main office but normally they would have heard something as it was late in the morning.

I didn't have it in me to read any more posts so I figured a long hot shower would help relax me and prepare me to begin the wait for one more month. As you wait months seem to drag but I knew I had no choice I had to accept that I wasn't in this batch and now I at least knew we would be next for sure. As I put the conditioner in my hair the phone rang.....and like any typical woman waiting for a miracle I had the phone right next to the shower!!!! It was Cindy and she didn't sound good at all. Her voice was flat and I couldn't figure out why she was calling because she was just asking me what I was doing and how I was feeling. I tried not to say what I really wanted to say but I couldn't help it--I said it "Cindy I am just so sad that ......." but she stopped me mid sentence. "Well you don't have to be sad anymore....WE'VE GOT HER....WE'VE GOT HER PAPERWORK RIGHT HERE!!!!" I started to scream with excitement and complete joy!!! I told her I would call Scott and have him come home as she read the paperwork that contained all of our sweet babies information. I called Scott and he rushed home!!! We called Cindy back, listened and wrote down every bit of information she gave us. All we had to do was wait for everything to come Fed Ex the next day and sign a letter of consent in order for us to wait for our TA (travel approval). This day also held great significance just as our LID, as it was our twin sons 10th birthday!!! I spent the rest of the day calling everyone I knew and told them all about the wonderful news. I was so excited that I never did get the conditioner out of my hair. That evening I have to say my hair was the softest it had been in a while!!!!

The next day our paperwork came just as promised. We finally got to see photos of who our daughter was. She was absolutely beautiful. She was so petite even in the photos of her bundled in a pink snow suit. Our angel had a face. We were so amazed with her and we still are! I brought her pictures to the kids at school. They were all struck with awe just as I had been. All the paperwork and time really did have an outcome. At times we felt like we were just spinning our wheels but this day proved that we truly were in forward motion.

The lesson I learned through this part of the process is that God really does have a perfect plan for all of His children. Even though I am on the right path with Him, I can still be distracted with my own plans and how I think things should work out. In the end it doesn't matter how I think it should play out, God always has the last word! My mind always goes to this scripture when I think about this time in my life:

I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to PROSPER you and NOT to HARM you, plans to give you HOPE and a FUTURE! Jeremiah 29:11

Setting Up The Stage

I thought for my second post I would set the stage and explain what this blog is all about. Just like in the Bible, God started speaking to us by saying "In the Beginning" I figured I would compose my blog as if I was speaking to our Little Brown Eyed Girl. I know she is already born and breathing as I am typing right now. I want to be able to journal everything to keep me from forgetting what was going on as we were waiting for her. I am not sure how much information we will receive about her past and being that she is already a part of our family in our hearts and prayers, this will be a gift I can give to her.

It all began in September 2001. While driving to a leaders meeting for Bible Study. I was listening to a conversation between James Dobson and Steven Curtis Chapman. Steven was educating the listening audience about the abandonment of baby girls in China. At first I just felt like it was an exaggeration of something that may have some form of truth. I was completely for adoption that wasn't the problem. The problem was, the issue of the extremely high numbers of abandoned baby girls in China I just knew that this truth had to be stretched. It touched a part of me I never knew existed. Days after I had heard the program I was loosing sleep. As I would lay in my bed trying to imagine "how could that be true?" I couldn't take it any more! In the wee hours of the morning I got out of bed and started doing an internet search on all the information I had dancing in my head from the Focus on the Family radio program. What I had researched had changed my life forever. Over the next couple of months I had many sleepless nights. I would lay in bed grieving over China's abandoned children. I grieved for the mothers of the abandoned girls. I grieved for China. As I grieved I prayed that God would change the situation and in the process of changing the situation I needed HIM to cradle and cuddle each child. I prayed for the mothers with empty arms and the caregivers who were working long hard hours some in very unequipped conditions.

Through all this time in prayer, as I was praying for a change in China, I was surprised by how God was making changes in my heart. I went from grieving and praying for these children to asking God what I could do to make a difference. As the months rolled by I realized I needed to mother one of these children. As hard as it was to have all that information and grieving process to go through, I knew my hardest hurdle to jump would be to get my husband on board. We were pretty much coasting in life. We already had 4 children our oldest son was 13, our daughter was 11 and our twin sons were 8. My husband had been promoted to a great position and I was in a leadership position in BSF. We were busy and content, life was good. During this time of preparing to address this issue with Scott I had many of my family and friends praying for confirmation that this is really what we as a family was supposed to do. The confirmation came in many forms which led me to ask Scott how he felt about adopting a child from China.

I was so nervous about not getting to say all that needed to be explained I decided to write it in a letter! I am sure he had to have been waiting for the bomb to drop at some point because I knew he could tell how troubled I was over the whole situation.

As I expected, Scott really felt like we were not at a point in our lives to start all over again. I was crushed. The grieving process began....again! Conversations with God became an all day event. I questioned why, over and over and over! My faith was being tested and refined. I could not understand how there could be so many orphans in the world and I had the willingness, capacity and longing to love a child but God was shutting the door.

After Scott told me it wasn't the right time, I decided I would continue to pray but would not ask him anymore. In the beginning it was really hard not to ask if he changed his mind. The more he didn't give me the answer I wanted the harder I would pray. I finally just stopped asking. In December of 2003 Scott told me he truly felt God was working on his heart and he believed it was time to start the adoption process. I was so shocked and surprised, I couldn't believe what I was hearing. So much time had gone by without even mentioning it to him that it caught me completely off guard.

I wish I had time to go into all the events that had transpired in those 26 long months! At some point I will have to figure out a way to get them all on this blog.

The main lesson I have learned while going through this, is that God's timing is perfect. He not only wants to lavish us with blessings and use us as blessings to others, but he wants to grow us into a deeper relationship with HIM to perfect our faith! I know for me those 2 years was a rollercoaster of emotions and I can't even tell you how many times I told God "OK I am giving up!" or "I am sick and tired of praying for this! But God wouldn't let me. During those times He gently restored me and caused me to see that some things are always worth praying for!!!

My first time blogging

This is my first attempt to start blogging. If everyone else I know can do it I figured I can do it too!! At least I hope I can!! I feel like the little engine that could....I think I can, I think I can...... I am not the most computer saavy person I know so that should explain my fear of blogging. You will just have to come back and check to see how I am doing.

Actually my family has a very exciting event taking place and I am so excited about it that I want everyone to know! We are adopting again from China! This wonderful blessing has inspired me to keep a journal to let our new little one know what we were doing while we were waiting for her. It will also allow me to keep family and friends updated with our other children.

Ok, hang on to the red thread as we begin the journey to bring home our sweet BROWN EYED GIRL!!!!