I Really Am Trying.....really!

For some reason, today has been a hard day. I think it started last night, when Scott told me he was going to have to go away on a business trip......again! For the past couple of months, Scott has been gone almost every week for several days at a time. Maybe I'm just tired, I don't know. When he said he was leaving again, I felt like the gates opened and all the thoughts of things I'm working for wanting or waiting for, came at me like a bulldozer.

Today a lot of my thoughts were on Selah and the whole process of getting to her. I've been so patient and have waited so long. I've even encouraged Glenna and Vickie who are adopting with us to hang in there. I've been looking at Selah's precious face on my refrigerator for the past 3 plus months. This paper pregnancy has gone on for almost 17 months. I know I shouldn't complain, there are many who aren't as far as I am, and don't even have a referral yet. Knowing I shouldn't complain doesn't help!! I'm just wearing thin. I feel so weak concerning this process.

All I keep thinking is, there is a child who is in need of a family and just as importantly a heart surgery. The only thing that is keeping us apart is paperwork and formalities. How can that be? We have the very thing Selah/Ji ju needs: love, a home, a means for her surgery and a desire to get her here quickly.

I spent most the day battling these feelings and trying to tell myself it will happen when it happens. I even spent time on the phone with Dawn venting! (Thanks Dawn for the pep talk and the strong words to get me thinking straight! Maybe a good slap in the face would have worked but I'm glad you chose the method you did!!) Thank goodness she's such a good woman after God's heart, reminding me it's going to happen....soon, not to let it get to me now, I'm sooo close!!! I believe her with all my heart, but the stubborn pampered girl I am, is saying, "all right already.....let's get her home and let's start our new life. Let's get her surgery taken care of so I can rest knowing everything is going to be ok."

In reality, I know everything is going to be ok because I've placed the whole situation in God's hands. He knows her needs and has taken care of them thus far why would he take a break now. Psalm 121:4 God never sleeps nor slumbers!

It's amazing how the words to songs can almost touch the depths of the soul. Music is such an essential part of our family and God has used it as a means of reaching out to each one of us. As I was driving to pick up the boys from school, a song I hadn't heard in a very long time came on, and brought tears to my eyes: (Remember Me from Mark Schultz.) When he sang this And age to age And heart to heart Bound by grace and peace Child of wonder, Child of God I'll remember you Remember Me

It made me think how I am remembering her every single moment and she doesn't even know me to remember me!!!! I thought about how she is in China, not knowing God, and yet a Child of God who is binding her by His grace and His peace! A child who will be taught who her Creator is, and I can't wait to teach her. It made me wonder about her personality, is she a dreamer, strong willed, determined, happy or sad. Can she tie her shoes, is she missing any teeth yet, what is she afraid of? It made me miss her more than ever!!!

I wiped away the tears and waited patiently for the boys to come. I just whispered "God please help me through this!" The very next song I heard was this:

What Faith Can Do

Everybody falls sometimes Gotta find the strength to rise From the ashes and make a new beginning Anyone can feel the ache You think it’s more than you can take But you are stronger, stronger than you know Don’t you give up now The sun will soon be shining You gotta face the clouds To find the silver lining I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains Hope that doesn’t ever end Even when the sky is falling And I’ve seen miracles just happen Silent prayers get answered Broken hearts become brand new That’s what faith can do It doesn’t matter what you’ve heard Impossible is not a word It’s just a reason for someone not to try Everybody’s scared to death When they decide to take that step Out on the water It’ll be alright Life is so much more Than what your eyes are seeing You will find your way If you keep believing.
I had never heard that song before and am thankful for the timing. As I write this right now, I'm reminded about my conversation with Marilyn sharing with her my new attribute of God that I've been focusing on.... My Master...master of timing and of space. Even the conversation was timely. After the timing and hearing of that song I believe God is refreshing me with an extra measure of peace and strength as I await our TA. Glenna my dear friend and soon to be 2nd timer of adopting from the same orphanage and Vickie my e-mail adoption pen pal.... my love for you guys have grown as we've gone through this process together. My heart aches with yours and beats with the same sense of homesickness for my girl as yours does for your girls. One day we will be sipping White Chocolate Cappuccino's at a Starbucks near you laughing at the wonderfully silly things our girls are doing. I'll even buy!!!
Remember: You gotta face the clouds To find the silver lining .
Hang in there with me dear friends!!!! Forgive my weakness!!!!

Chick-Fil-A is A-OK!!!!

Did you ever have something happen to you that you just had to share??? Well that is exactly how I feel about what happened to me Thursday while visiting Chick-fil-A. I felt this experience was just too good not to share.

I was meeting a friend from Bible Study for lunch. Yes you guessed it our lunch destination was Chick-fil-A!

I was planning on helping her with something she needed using my computer. I was so excited because I really think the world of my friend and I couldn't wait to help her. Every C-F-A I've gone to has Wi-Fi so this was a great choose to accomplish both lunch, visiting and computer searches.

I left bible study and headed straight for CFA, Judy was going to be late as she had some errands to run first. That would give me a chance to eat before she got there and then I would be able to do the computer thing while she ate. I arrived at CFA ordered my meal and then asked "you do have wi-fi right???" I was dumbfounded when I heard the reply "no ma'am we don't!" EEEEKKKKK!!!! That was the main reason I chose that place and now my food is just about ready and they don't have wi-fi. I quickly recovered from that only to realize that I couldn't find my debit card. I had absolutely NO cash and was forced to use my credit card. My meal laid on the counter waiting for me to pick it up, but....my credit card was denied!!! EEEKKK again. I furiously searched my purse for my debit card only realizing I had left it in my pants pocket after rushing out of Wal-mart the night before. I suddenly began to panic! Then I remembered Scott had given me a prepaid American Express card. I happily handed it to the cashier only to find out IT didn't go through either!!!! WHAT---- I had just unsealed it from the pre-packaged envelope right in front of the ---now 3 cashiers!!! We were all baffled as to why it wouldn't work.

Through out the whole time I was looking for a form of payment....the sweet empathetic cashier was urging me to just take the meal without payment and enjoy. Not to worry! I suddenly realized I had tears streaming down my face.... I couldn't believe this was happening. Embarrassment and humility was taking over. Humility in the sense of humbleness. I was so throne back by the generosity and the compassion of the 3 cashiers telling me it was ok and all they wanted was for me to enjoy my meal and not to worry about the money!!!!! In this world where MONEY is the MAIN thing I was lost in a little bubble where the person was the main thing and not what they could get from the person. The sweet lady kept saying what kind of sauce would you like with your chicken but I was so flustered I couldn't even think what sauce I wanted. I mean come on.....I was getting a free meal did she really need to offer me sauce too!!!! The kindness was so foreign and overwhelming my senses were on overload.

I humbly took the tray with everything including the sauce (I finally figured out what kind I wanted) and found the nearest table next to a window. The place was packed and I sat there next to the window the food on the table trying as hard as I could to get the tears from pouring out of my eyes. I may not have had money or my debit card but I was smart enough to have Kleenex!!!! Wiping the tears away I just sat in a state of stillness thinking of what just happened.

At last Judy came, I told her the story and she said "Kim, it's ok!! It happens all the time!" I'm sure she's right about the credit card not going through, but I was astounded by the kindness, generosity, sincerity, compassion....I could go on but I won't. However...the story DOES NOT end at that point...there is more!

Not having the wi-fi also proved to be a good thing, as there were some conversations Judy and I had that were very important and helpful that I feel would help me to be a better friend to her. If we had the computer up and running I know the meaningful things that were shared would not have come up.

As we were wrapping it up there was a lady who was walking around refreshing drinks and simply finding ways of serving the customers any way she could. I watched her pretty much the whole time we were talking and I kept thinking how she beamed with happiness and joy. It was as if it was spilling out of her. She approached our table and asked if she could refill my drink...yea the one I didn't pay for!! I told her I was fine, but I wanted to tell her I noticed how joyful and beautiful I thought she was. I then told her I thought she would enjoy the bible study I attend and it was only down the street. It turned out that she'd been to the study for many years. Her son was the owner of the CFA and he begged her to work with him making it impossible to come. She tried doing more important tasks working there only to find she enjoyed serving the people much more than any other thing she could do. In the conversation, I learned this was not his only franchise, he had others. I figured he had to be well off and here his mother WANTED to serve people and clean tables. Her true desire was to serve. She could have had any pick of a job, but chose one of the lowest ones just so she could be with her son and his family to be a part of his success. I then told her about what happened with my credit card and she said: "oh don't worry that happens all the time.....we just want you to eat and enjoy. Don't give it another thought!!!!"

When I was finally ready to leave, I was standing by the door and the woman came up to me and Judy. She put her arm around me and said, "honey what is your name, you are such a blessing!" I told her my name and she said "Well Kim, it was so nice to get to visit with you....you are such a blessing to me."

As I drove off I was thinking of what had transpired. I couldn't believe she was calling me a blessing!!! Still amazed by the whole thing, I called Dawn to tell her what happened. I told her it makes me think of that old hymn Make Me A Blessing. Shortly after that we were disconnected. I couldn't stop thinking about it. Suddenly, I realized just 2 days before this happened I was singing in the shower......Make me a blessing, make me a blessing, make me a blessing to someone today!!!!! I couldn't remember the whole entire song so I just kept singing that same verse over and over again!!

In short---- I think God was reaching out letting me know He was there! Isn't it amazing He is even interested in us when we sing in the shower songs that are uplifting to Him. I didn't know at the time what I was asking, but the wonderful thing was, He already knew the surprises that were in store for me. Every last detail from a credit card being denied (even though Scott called the company and found out everything was just fine with our card), to the prepaid card not working, no cash and me leaving my debit card in my pants pocket the night before was orchestrated by Him. Other people were paying with credit cards while I was there so I know it wasn't there machine that was the problem.

My CFA situation has left me a refreshed, changed woman!!!

Moving Right Along Following The Red Thread...

We received a notice from the State Department National Visa Center, stating our petition has been sent to the Consulate in Guangzhou. This is where our adoption interview will be and also the place they issue Selah's visa. It's dated October 17, 2009, so we could actually be closer than we think!!!! The distance of the red thread between us and Selah is getting shorter!

Harvesting Pumpkins

This past summer, Scott and the kids planted a garden. Pumpkins were among many of the vegatables that were planted. It was exciting to watch the pumpkins grow from little seeds to what you see in the pictures. This was the one thing we wanted to do when Stephanie was here that we didn't get to do. It wound up being a great thing to do after she left. Just being in the crisp fresh air was so refreshing. Steph...I hope you enjoy this harvest, you played a big part in it!!!!

Not Bad Considering......

Ellie took this picture

You just left and I miss you already!!!

Fall Break

Fall break started for me, by Stephanie writing me an e-mail stating what stood in between her and me seeing each other in the next 24 hours!!!! I loved it. Her e-mail listed the classes that were left and the driving time it would take to be home and hugging her Mama!!!!

She came home Thursday night and we had a great time watching her walk around the house. She avoided her room but I made her go in and look how I had finally cleaned it. When she left, it was pretty much trashed, but for the first time ever, I was glad to be able to see her room in such disarray .....every day!!!!! Some days I just left her door open, just so I could walk by it and see the mess. At times, it really helped me a lot. A week before she came home, I figured I'd clean it for her, because I knew she would be back to mess it up again!!!! When she went in her room she got a little teary eyed.....there were just so many memories in that room, from camp breaks, proms, long talks, debate preparations etc..... I felt bad that she felt bad, but it made me realize that even though she's moved on in life, there is still NO PLACE LIKE HOME!

Grandma and Grandpa B came over to see her, and Bertie invited us for a delicious meal. When she wasn't running from place to place, the house was filled with laughter and joy with most of her friends coming to visit.

It's so hard to share you child when you know there is so little time during the breaks but I was good and was happy for the way she divided up her time amongst her family and friends. I really think she was able to see most everyone she wanted to.

We, of course got several hours of shopping in and amazingly had a session for our family photos too!!! I'm not exactly sure how they will turn out being that our time slot was on a Sunday at 9am.

In the end....it was a great weekend. She is blessed to have so many friends, who simply adore her, not to mention a Grandma, who made a huge box of her favorite cookies to take back to school. She accomplised a lot in a very short weekend. It was so good to see you Stephanie!!! I'm counting the days until Thanksgiving break!!!!

Here are some of our memories:

A hug from big brother. I just wish he could have kept his eyes open!!!!The kids table at Berties.

FRIENDS

Curly, Larry and Moe

October 18, 2009

Matthew Called And Asked.....

if we were busy. Of course I'm never to busy for my son! He was going to be in town and wanted to come home for a bit. I called Grandma and Grandpa B to see if they wanted to come and visit with Matthew and Kylie too. They were more than happy to come. I made home made pizza and an angel food cake with fruit. We had a great evening catching up. Grandma and Grandpa were finally able to meet Matthew's new dog Cali. It was a night of great memories.

Matthew and Grandpa B having

a deep conversation Eliana telling Grandma B a very

important story. I love how Grandma

got down to her level to give her

undivided attention!!

Kylie spending some girl-time

with Ellie!

Scott telling Ellie "Yes, your nails look great!"

Jonathan found a perfect spot to serenade our company! When Jonathan is not in his room, this is pretty typical of what I see.

My Grand-DOG-ter Cali!!!!

Isn't she cute?

The Beauty In The Midst Of The Storm

Last week we had soooo much rain, it seemed as though it was

never going to end. I was listening to rain and could not believe

how hard it was coming down. I opened the front door and saw this

beautiful site between my neighbors houses. It looks like a creek running

through the valley. The beauty of this was an unexpected gift!!!

Parents Weekend September 2009

Not being with Stephanie on her birthday was hard, but I knew in the back of my mind we were going to see her on Parents Weekend which was a couple weeks later. We had a great time. It was good to see her living in her new environment. I was amazed with how she was able to navigate in such a big city by herself!

We had several nice meals, shopped, went to a football game, enjoyed a talent show, swam at the hotel and the best was seeing and hearing her sing with the choir. The performance was awesome and the building where it was held was absolutely beautiful.

It was fun to be able to celebrate her birthday with her and watch her open her gifts. We went to Applebee's and had the waitors and waitresses sing happy birthday....her expression was hilarious!!!

Ellie spent the night in Stephanie's dorm and had some good sister bonding time. I didn't get any pictures of the girls in the dorm room but I did get some in the hotel.

My Hippy Girls!

Ellie the cosmetologist!

Stephanie bought this book for Ellie.
They had a lot of fun reading it together!



Stephanie enjoying her birthday gift!


I think she likes it!!!!

Jenga Anyone???

Jason, I'm not sure you understand the concept of this game!!!!

I guess when your that cute, it doesn't really matter!!!!

However, it IS an amazing creation!

Isn't She Sweet?

LOOK......NO TRAINING WHEELS!!!!!!

What a fun day!!! Scott and I spent a lazy Sunday afternoon teaching Ellie how to ride her bike ....with NO training wheels. She's a natural!!! What fun it was watching Scott teach her. She was such a good sport about it. It really didn't take much time for her to learn. I was surprised with how much confidence she had. But I was even more surprised when we were done she said: "OK Dad, put my training wheels back on!!!!

And so we did

September 13, 2009

Stephanie's 19th Birthday

Stephanie's birthday was in September, but with all of the craziness with adoption paperwork and school starting, I never had a chance to post. Unfortunately, Steph was in Texas on her birthday, miles and miles away. It was so hard to be away from my baby on her birthday....no matter how old she is is!!!! We tried to make the best of it, so... we had a cake and celebrated over Skype! Ellie told Stephanie to blow over the internet and she would be her wind!!!! I just thought that was the sweetest thing! This is what it looked like! What a team!

Our Answer To Prayer Looks Like This

Our Daughter

He Ji Ju

SELAH ELIZABETH Ji Ju

I'm overjoyed to introduce our newest addition

to our family. I have prayed for this precious

child for many years, far before we even knew who

she would be. My heart is overwhelmed with

thanksgiving for our answered prayer of our special

precious gift, who awaits us half the world away.

Grandpa's Little Girl

Ellie has always had such a tender spot for Grandpa M

They just clicked the minute they met. We were all in SC

for Katie's graduation sitting around the table talking after dinner.

Ellie was sitting on my lap across from Grandpa. She looked over

at him and he smiled real big at her but never said a word. She got up

off my lap walked around the table, jump up in his arms, never said a

word. The picture explains the rest of the story. I just wonder what she

was thinking. It was simply precious the way it happened. Just one of

those moments when words could never be enough. I am so thankful

for this special bond. It is a pure delight to see! I miss you Daddy!

Such Thoughtful, Kind Brothers!!!

Jonathan and Jason won all these tickets

to redeem for Spongebob!!

A surprise for Ellie

Evidence of a GREAT 5th Birthday!

I LOVE MY KIDS!!!!

They're like angels when they sleep!

It Truly Warms My Heart...

that Scott, who rarely takes pictures

of me, thought so much of me, to

commemorate Ellie's 5th birthday

by taking a picture of me!!!

I am touched!

THANKS HONEY! YOUR A TRUE GENTLEMAN!

If this doesn't scare me into

going on a diet I have no clue what will!

Eliana's 5th Birthday

Ellie is convinced SHE WON!!
Poor Scott....I know he felt like a dork
but what a great sport.
Anything for his girl!

So photogenic!!! Even in car racing
they look ravishing!

A sight to behold! All 4 of them
together and NO FIGHTING!!!

Ellie and her gifts!!!

Summer Fun with Friends

This was a happy day!

I Love This!!!!

What every middle aged east coast woman loves.....

to be sure everyone who enters her kitchen leaves with

a full belly! Eat Eat Eat!!! I won't take NO for an answer!!!!

Now all I need to do is pinch their cheeks!!!!

You guys are awesome!

Micah, Jason, Jonathan, Josiah

Father's Day 2009

Theresa, we have a thing going here. I plan on seeing you and your

seafood salad for Father's Day 2010!!!

Out Of Sight But Certainly NOT Out Of Mind

Theresa, I think of you often. Can't wait to work at Camp B with you next year!

Yeah you heard me right!!!!

Happy Summer Day

Ellie 2009

This Can Not Be Comfortable!

My overgrown rat!

I don't even know what to say about this picture

except: WEIRD!

I Can't Decide:

ALIEN OR INSECT?

hmmm....

outdoor adventure camping trip

2009

Xiushan's Spicy Girls!!!

4th Xiushan Reunion

Indianapolis IN

I don't think they come any cuter than this!!!

Good times!!!

I Wish You Could Comprehend.....

Just how beautiful I think you are,

inside and out! I miss seeing your face every day.