The First Time I Saw Her Face to Face.....Meeting Xiu Cui

The moment I had waited for had finally arrived. I was going to tangibly receive my little miracle baby. My body had adjusted to being in China and I was ready. Even with the scare I had to overcome in the hotel the first night in Beijing ....I was READY!

We stayed in the JW Marriot in Chongqing. It was a 5 star hotel, one of the most beautiful hotels I have stayed in. It was modern and elegant. The bathroom was all marble and the beds had the whitest white pristine comforters on them, with gold neck pillows the size of the width of the bed. To me it was fit for the little princess we were bringing back with us. At the front door of the hotel the most beautiful Chinese women dressed in authentic Chinese women attire served as greeters. The little time I had been in China I was amazed with the respect and utmost care to customer service.

It was now time to leave to pick up our little angel. Our bus of families was full of excitement and nervousness. Video camera were going as we all interviewed each other asking the same thing....."What is going through your mind right now?"

As we arrived I was la little surprised by the building. (which the name escapes my memory right now!) We walked into a small store and made our way to the back of the store. In the back were 2 very small elevators. We had to make our way upstairs in groups because the elevators were so small. Of course Scott, Stephanie and I were in the second group, which heightened the anticipation

By the time we made it to the room where the babies were all you could hear were oohs and aaahhs. Everyone was trying to figure out which child was theirs. I weaved my way through the crowd and stood next to another soon to be mom and she said "Kim I think I see your baby!" At that exact moment my eyes were fixed on her as well. I couldn't believe I was actually seeing her in person. She was being held by a woman who could not be any taller than 4' 8! Xiu Cui was the tiniest 11 month old baby I had ever laid my eyes on. Her head was so little and full of dark brown hair. Her little fingers were crossed on one hand and her other hand was reaching behind her neck scratching. She continually changed the fingers she was crossing. It was so adorable when she did that. Those sweet eyes that I looked deep into showed that there was such depth to her. I told my husband that she made me feel like she was an old soul! It is hard to explain what I mean by that. The best way to explain is to say that their seemed to be so much life in her, bottled up in her tiny frame. She seemed like she was full of wisdom and stories to share to cause you to become a better person. I couldn't wait to start my life with Xiu Cui

At last our names were called and I was going to touch my sweet bundle of miracle! She was so beautiful. She was dressed in a yellow outfit that was probably big enough to fit a 3 year old American child! When I held on to her she was like skin and bones. There was not one ounce of baby fat on her. I had dreamed of this moment for so long and now it was actually happening. This was without a doubt a moment of a lifetime! We were so proud of our new addition to our family. We completed all the paperwork and walked out of the building a family that was finally complete....at least that is what I had thought.

We made it back on the bus with 15 new passengers and 30 proud parents!!! We did it!!!! We had our babies and now it was time to go SHOPPING!!!! After all isn't that what every new mom does right after having a child!!!

There we were a group of parents with new babies hanging from our Baby Bjorn's walking the streets of Chongqing. Chongqing was an amazing city. It was like New York triple the size with huge building on hills. We were definitely stood out in the crowd of people. Many people stopped to see the "lucky babies." Every time someone would say that to me I said "No lucky mama!"

I was proud of our little Xiu Cui. I was so glad to have in my arms. She was the perfect child for our family! I loved her before I met her and now I was able to give her what I had been storing up over the last few years. Xiu Cui...now Eliana Grace had finally become my daughter!

Our First Two Days In China

What an adventure! I will only hit the highlights being that Eliana has a CD full of her story on it, with all the details.

When we arrived in China the main thing I could think about was "Oh my gosh... I can't believe I am really here! Pinch me this must be a dream!!" When our whole group met up together it was so surreal. I was fighting sleep deprivation along with sudden surges of adrenaline rushes. I just wanted one of them to win to stop the battle going on in my body.

When we finally arrived at the hotel it seemed as though it took forever for our facilitator Joy to get all the rooms worked out. We were all so tired it was beginning to show on our faces and body language.

At 3:15 am China time I was awakened suddenly by the shrill sounds of a baby crying and crying and crying. Apparently a desperate parent was pacing the hallway with their new child. As I laid in my bed in the pitch black I listened to a sound that shocked me into reality. After giving birth to twin boys who had colic for the first 5 months of their lives, you think I would have that sound etched in my memory. Time seemed to have erased it until.......May 5, 2005!!!

I literally began to shake under the covers thinking "What have I got myself into?" It was so dark in the room I couldn't even see my husband to find some kind of comfort. I was paralyzed with fear, I couldn't even turn on the light. I just wanted that sound to go away. The crying finally stopped and my fears were a little more controlled. Without even knowing it I drifted back to sleep.

The next day bright and early we went to Tianemen Square, Forbidden City and Summer Palace. It was full of people every where. Stephanie was like a celebrity. Everywhere we went people were asking her if they could take their picture with her. The young Chinese girls couldn't stop looking at her and touching her. This was such a great boost for her little ego!!

The strangest thing that has stayed in my mind was the way my feet felt. It was like they were water balloons sloshing every time I moved them. If the truth be known, they actually looked like water balloons too! I was told that I should drink lots of water while on the plane, so guess what I did? I drank just about every time it was offered to me and it literally went straight to my feet. One of the other ladies had the same problem We must have read the same information about traveling abroad!!

We were so tired after our first day. We all had jet lag and were still on US time but that didn't stop us from being offered to tour Beijing. Our next adventure was to see the Acrobats of China. The only thing I remember about that night was how many times I had nodded off to sleep. I was so mad at myself because I really wanted to take in all this Chinese culture. My mind was willing but my body was weak!!!!!

The next day was the Great wall of China. To me the Great wall is one of the most amazing man made creations I have ever seen or stood upon. Again, Stephanie became the famous celebrity among all the Chinese people. I loved how this made her feel. I loved watching how her face would just beam when someone wanted to have their picture taken with her. I loved how her love grew for the Chinese people. She was forming her first impressions of the Chinese culture and it trilled me to see it start so positively. In effect they were embracing her and making her feel worthy, and important and most of all beautiful. Every almost 15 year old girl needs that!!

Another great adventure was the Rickshaw rides. These men would pull a cart with 2 people in it all around the town. The town is full of hills and narrow alleys. The most amazing thing about these men was, they all smoked!!!! I had no idea where the oxygen to get up the steep hills with all that weight behind them came from!!! Rickshaw drivers YOU ROCK!!!!

I could never forget Mr Cricket. He and his wife allowed our group to tour his home and ask any questions we had about how the Chinese people live. It was very interesting to learn that crickets were taught how to fight other crickets. If I didn't see it I wouldn't believe it either. Just one of those things you have to see to believe. He was an extremely kind man. His son was a famous chef who prepared an array of hor's deurves for us to enjoy. I truly enjoyed seeing and learning about the life of a family living in the city. It made me very grateful for my freedom that I take for granted most of the time.

We also went to the cloisonne factory where we saw some of the most beautiful works of art that were displayed in many forms-- plates, vases, chopsticks, bowls etc..... So many things to choose from and they always want to make you a great deal. I loved how the workers would explain what each item meant. It was as if each piece of art had a story behind it. The factory tour showed how much time and commitment to detail went into each piece of art.

The silk alley really freaked me out. All the vendors wanted you to come into their booth. They would do anything to lure you in. I hated it because I didn't want to just walk away and be rude. I was tired and confused and really just didn't want to deal with it, so we pretty much rushed through it! Next time I will be prepared!!!

One last thing I remember was how delicious the breakfast at the hotel was. They had everything you possibly think of! We had an awesome time in Beijing. The most important part was still ahead of us. After 2 days in Beijing we were heading to Chongqing to meet our daughter!!

On Our Way To China The First Time!

On April 25, 2005 we received our itinerary for our trip to China. We were traveling from May 4th to May 14, 2005. In the packet we also received a list of the other families that would be traveling with us. We were traveling with 14 other families. I couldn't believe I was going to share this momentous occasion with so many other people. We were all going to learn together how to become parents of adopted children. There was only one family who had gone through the process of adoption before. More than half the group had biological children at home already. I prayed over our group daily. I so desperately wanted God to bond us together and allow us all to have a desire to continue the bond even after we came home from China. One of the woman in the group started a forum for us and we kept it hot!! I could tell God had blessed this group already. We shared packing lists and ideas of what to bring and not bring. It was so exciting when I would get home and check to see who posted and what they had to say.

On May 4th after much packing and anxiety about leaving my sons for 10 days we headed off for the airport. Matthew our oldest son rode with us so he could take the car home. First we headed to the boys school to drop them off. Saying goodbye to my twin 10 year old sons was so hard. I tried not to cry leaving them but, of course I cried. I wanted everyone to come with us, but I knew that trip would have been too hard for them. We made it to the airport and said our goodbyes to Matthew. That was really hard too because I knew he had to drive an hour back home and he had not had his license for very long. I wasn't even going to be at a point to call him to make sure he made it safely home. I still wonder if he really went to school that day or not!!!! I know if I were him what I would have done!!!!!!

There we were Scott, Stephanie and myself in the airport knowing we were getting ready to see, touch, feel, smell and listen to the sounds of our new addition for the very first time. It was an amazing process so far and we knew we had not even touched the best part.

As we made it to our first stop we met a family who was in our group. We also met up with our social worker who was going to be a part of our traveling group. It was a very exciting time and the anticipation continued to grow with each passing minute.

The main thing that stands out in my mind with the flight from the US to Tokyo was that Scott and Cindy our social worker barely got out of their seats!!! I was up and down the whole trip. I could not sit still. I loved the map showing us where we were. There were movies periodically and I feel like we were offered food non stop. I just hope our next trip to China will be that accommodating.

What I learned through this was that God was behind me every step of the way and as rough as the road traveled was in the beginning he really was there orchestrating the whole event.
It reminds me of this verse:

Psalm 16:9 The mind of man plans his way, but the LORD directs his steps

I knew that every step I took was truly directed by God himself!

And So The First Paper Chase Begins

After the shock and excitement became containable, and I was not on sensory overload, we narrowed down the agencies we would use down to two. Through many prayers I felt very confident using Bethany Christian Services. We were actually beginning.

On December 15, 2003 our social worker mailed us our preliminary application. From there we went to a formal application and finally received an International Adoption Assessment Packet, which is part of what they use to form a home study. Scott and I had a total of 4 interviews and each of our children were interviewed once. Through all of this scurrying about I could not believe we were actually doing this!!! I knew it was the right thing to do but at one time it had seemed like it was completely unattainable.

Our home study and dossier (a host of legal documents) was complete and made it to China! Our LID (log in date) to CCAA (China Center of Adoption Affairs) was September 2, 2004. It was awesome that it was that date. I knew I could never forget it because it was my oldest daughters 13th birthday and 3 years before I had first learned of abandoned children in China! We were overjoyed to be in the system. China had our file and we were now in the long waiting process. Some called it the "slow boat to China" which came from the movie "Big Bird in China." I spent my time praying so many things for our child in China. I prayed for bonding and acceptance between our children at home and our new little one in China. We all prayed for her health, safety and protection. The wait was long but I knew God had brought me this far on faith He was going to get me further with deeper faith!

Finally on March 18, 2005 after reading all the posts on the forums I saw that people with the same LID as we had were getting their referrals. I waited with anticipation for the phone to ring. I kept watching the forums and reading all the posts of those who had received "The Call."
The boards were hot and posts kept coming in one after another. Still no call!!! Suddenly a post appeared that caused my heart to sink. It stated that the LID group for September was very large and CCAA only sent half the September group in March and would send the other half in April. I contacted my social worker after hearing the news to see if maybe I was the last on the list to be called. She had told me they have not received any word from the main office but normally they would have heard something as it was late in the morning.

I didn't have it in me to read any more posts so I figured a long hot shower would help relax me and prepare me to begin the wait for one more month. As you wait months seem to drag but I knew I had no choice I had to accept that I wasn't in this batch and now I at least knew we would be next for sure. As I put the conditioner in my hair the phone rang.....and like any typical woman waiting for a miracle I had the phone right next to the shower!!!! It was Cindy and she didn't sound good at all. Her voice was flat and I couldn't figure out why she was calling because she was just asking me what I was doing and how I was feeling. I tried not to say what I really wanted to say but I couldn't help it--I said it "Cindy I am just so sad that ......." but she stopped me mid sentence. "Well you don't have to be sad anymore....WE'VE GOT HER....WE'VE GOT HER PAPERWORK RIGHT HERE!!!!" I started to scream with excitement and complete joy!!! I told her I would call Scott and have him come home as she read the paperwork that contained all of our sweet babies information. I called Scott and he rushed home!!! We called Cindy back, listened and wrote down every bit of information she gave us. All we had to do was wait for everything to come Fed Ex the next day and sign a letter of consent in order for us to wait for our TA (travel approval). This day also held great significance just as our LID, as it was our twin sons 10th birthday!!! I spent the rest of the day calling everyone I knew and told them all about the wonderful news. I was so excited that I never did get the conditioner out of my hair. That evening I have to say my hair was the softest it had been in a while!!!!

The next day our paperwork came just as promised. We finally got to see photos of who our daughter was. She was absolutely beautiful. She was so petite even in the photos of her bundled in a pink snow suit. Our angel had a face. We were so amazed with her and we still are! I brought her pictures to the kids at school. They were all struck with awe just as I had been. All the paperwork and time really did have an outcome. At times we felt like we were just spinning our wheels but this day proved that we truly were in forward motion.

The lesson I learned through this part of the process is that God really does have a perfect plan for all of His children. Even though I am on the right path with Him, I can still be distracted with my own plans and how I think things should work out. In the end it doesn't matter how I think it should play out, God always has the last word! My mind always goes to this scripture when I think about this time in my life:

I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to PROSPER you and NOT to HARM you, plans to give you HOPE and a FUTURE! Jeremiah 29:11

Setting Up The Stage

I thought for my second post I would set the stage and explain what this blog is all about. Just like in the Bible, God started speaking to us by saying "In the Beginning" I figured I would compose my blog as if I was speaking to our Little Brown Eyed Girl. I know she is already born and breathing as I am typing right now. I want to be able to journal everything to keep me from forgetting what was going on as we were waiting for her. I am not sure how much information we will receive about her past and being that she is already a part of our family in our hearts and prayers, this will be a gift I can give to her.

It all began in September 2001. While driving to a leaders meeting for Bible Study. I was listening to a conversation between James Dobson and Steven Curtis Chapman. Steven was educating the listening audience about the abandonment of baby girls in China. At first I just felt like it was an exaggeration of something that may have some form of truth. I was completely for adoption that wasn't the problem. The problem was, the issue of the extremely high numbers of abandoned baby girls in China I just knew that this truth had to be stretched. It touched a part of me I never knew existed. Days after I had heard the program I was loosing sleep. As I would lay in my bed trying to imagine "how could that be true?" I couldn't take it any more! In the wee hours of the morning I got out of bed and started doing an internet search on all the information I had dancing in my head from the Focus on the Family radio program. What I had researched had changed my life forever. Over the next couple of months I had many sleepless nights. I would lay in bed grieving over China's abandoned children. I grieved for the mothers of the abandoned girls. I grieved for China. As I grieved I prayed that God would change the situation and in the process of changing the situation I needed HIM to cradle and cuddle each child. I prayed for the mothers with empty arms and the caregivers who were working long hard hours some in very unequipped conditions.

Through all this time in prayer, as I was praying for a change in China, I was surprised by how God was making changes in my heart. I went from grieving and praying for these children to asking God what I could do to make a difference. As the months rolled by I realized I needed to mother one of these children. As hard as it was to have all that information and grieving process to go through, I knew my hardest hurdle to jump would be to get my husband on board. We were pretty much coasting in life. We already had 4 children our oldest son was 13, our daughter was 11 and our twin sons were 8. My husband had been promoted to a great position and I was in a leadership position in BSF. We were busy and content, life was good. During this time of preparing to address this issue with Scott I had many of my family and friends praying for confirmation that this is really what we as a family was supposed to do. The confirmation came in many forms which led me to ask Scott how he felt about adopting a child from China.

I was so nervous about not getting to say all that needed to be explained I decided to write it in a letter! I am sure he had to have been waiting for the bomb to drop at some point because I knew he could tell how troubled I was over the whole situation.

As I expected, Scott really felt like we were not at a point in our lives to start all over again. I was crushed. The grieving process began....again! Conversations with God became an all day event. I questioned why, over and over and over! My faith was being tested and refined. I could not understand how there could be so many orphans in the world and I had the willingness, capacity and longing to love a child but God was shutting the door.

After Scott told me it wasn't the right time, I decided I would continue to pray but would not ask him anymore. In the beginning it was really hard not to ask if he changed his mind. The more he didn't give me the answer I wanted the harder I would pray. I finally just stopped asking. In December of 2003 Scott told me he truly felt God was working on his heart and he believed it was time to start the adoption process. I was so shocked and surprised, I couldn't believe what I was hearing. So much time had gone by without even mentioning it to him that it caught me completely off guard.

I wish I had time to go into all the events that had transpired in those 26 long months! At some point I will have to figure out a way to get them all on this blog.

The main lesson I have learned while going through this, is that God's timing is perfect. He not only wants to lavish us with blessings and use us as blessings to others, but he wants to grow us into a deeper relationship with HIM to perfect our faith! I know for me those 2 years was a rollercoaster of emotions and I can't even tell you how many times I told God "OK I am giving up!" or "I am sick and tired of praying for this! But God wouldn't let me. During those times He gently restored me and caused me to see that some things are always worth praying for!!!

My first time blogging

This is my first attempt to start blogging. If everyone else I know can do it I figured I can do it too!! At least I hope I can!! I feel like the little engine that could....I think I can, I think I can...... I am not the most computer saavy person I know so that should explain my fear of blogging. You will just have to come back and check to see how I am doing.

Actually my family has a very exciting event taking place and I am so excited about it that I want everyone to know! We are adopting again from China! This wonderful blessing has inspired me to keep a journal to let our new little one know what we were doing while we were waiting for her. It will also allow me to keep family and friends updated with our other children.

Ok, hang on to the red thread as we begin the journey to bring home our sweet BROWN EYED GIRL!!!!