Setting Up The Stage

I thought for my second post I would set the stage and explain what this blog is all about. Just like in the Bible, God started speaking to us by saying "In the Beginning" I figured I would compose my blog as if I was speaking to our Little Brown Eyed Girl. I know she is already born and breathing as I am typing right now. I want to be able to journal everything to keep me from forgetting what was going on as we were waiting for her. I am not sure how much information we will receive about her past and being that she is already a part of our family in our hearts and prayers, this will be a gift I can give to her.

It all began in September 2001. While driving to a leaders meeting for Bible Study. I was listening to a conversation between James Dobson and Steven Curtis Chapman. Steven was educating the listening audience about the abandonment of baby girls in China. At first I just felt like it was an exaggeration of something that may have some form of truth. I was completely for adoption that wasn't the problem. The problem was, the issue of the extremely high numbers of abandoned baby girls in China I just knew that this truth had to be stretched. It touched a part of me I never knew existed. Days after I had heard the program I was loosing sleep. As I would lay in my bed trying to imagine "how could that be true?" I couldn't take it any more! In the wee hours of the morning I got out of bed and started doing an internet search on all the information I had dancing in my head from the Focus on the Family radio program. What I had researched had changed my life forever. Over the next couple of months I had many sleepless nights. I would lay in bed grieving over China's abandoned children. I grieved for the mothers of the abandoned girls. I grieved for China. As I grieved I prayed that God would change the situation and in the process of changing the situation I needed HIM to cradle and cuddle each child. I prayed for the mothers with empty arms and the caregivers who were working long hard hours some in very unequipped conditions.

Through all this time in prayer, as I was praying for a change in China, I was surprised by how God was making changes in my heart. I went from grieving and praying for these children to asking God what I could do to make a difference. As the months rolled by I realized I needed to mother one of these children. As hard as it was to have all that information and grieving process to go through, I knew my hardest hurdle to jump would be to get my husband on board. We were pretty much coasting in life. We already had 4 children our oldest son was 13, our daughter was 11 and our twin sons were 8. My husband had been promoted to a great position and I was in a leadership position in BSF. We were busy and content, life was good. During this time of preparing to address this issue with Scott I had many of my family and friends praying for confirmation that this is really what we as a family was supposed to do. The confirmation came in many forms which led me to ask Scott how he felt about adopting a child from China.

I was so nervous about not getting to say all that needed to be explained I decided to write it in a letter! I am sure he had to have been waiting for the bomb to drop at some point because I knew he could tell how troubled I was over the whole situation.

As I expected, Scott really felt like we were not at a point in our lives to start all over again. I was crushed. The grieving process began....again! Conversations with God became an all day event. I questioned why, over and over and over! My faith was being tested and refined. I could not understand how there could be so many orphans in the world and I had the willingness, capacity and longing to love a child but God was shutting the door.

After Scott told me it wasn't the right time, I decided I would continue to pray but would not ask him anymore. In the beginning it was really hard not to ask if he changed his mind. The more he didn't give me the answer I wanted the harder I would pray. I finally just stopped asking. In December of 2003 Scott told me he truly felt God was working on his heart and he believed it was time to start the adoption process. I was so shocked and surprised, I couldn't believe what I was hearing. So much time had gone by without even mentioning it to him that it caught me completely off guard.

I wish I had time to go into all the events that had transpired in those 26 long months! At some point I will have to figure out a way to get them all on this blog.

The main lesson I have learned while going through this, is that God's timing is perfect. He not only wants to lavish us with blessings and use us as blessings to others, but he wants to grow us into a deeper relationship with HIM to perfect our faith! I know for me those 2 years was a rollercoaster of emotions and I can't even tell you how many times I told God "OK I am giving up!" or "I am sick and tired of praying for this! But God wouldn't let me. During those times He gently restored me and caused me to see that some things are always worth praying for!!!